


Are You Wondering

by Gyptian



Series: Bare Bitter Stars [6]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Gen, Homophobia, Jesse Manes is a War Crime, Male-Female Friendship, Prologue, Ultron (mentioned) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25083484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gyptian/pseuds/Gyptian
Summary: Tony Stark has a friend she didn't have in another universe, and a conversation about a planetary armour - and aliens - she never had in another universe.
Relationships: Phil Coulson & Tony Stark
Series: Bare Bitter Stars [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551598
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15
Collections: Tony Stark Bingo 2020





	Are You Wondering

**Author's Note:**

> Tony Stark Bingo 2020 - A4 - Only In New York - Card 3025

Coulson and Stark sat on beach chairs on a courtyard balcony high up in Stark Tower, as they usually did when he managed to visit her while she was on the East Coast.

“I need to create a suit of armour around the world,” said Stark, deep into one of her expensive crystal cups. “S gonna be aliens. I saw em, up in the wormhole, waaaayyyy back. An' Avengers are gone. Kaput. We gotta be ready when they come.”

Coulson inspected his half-empty cup somewhat cross-eyed. “They're already here, Stark. Have been since 1997. Since 1947. Maybe earlier. 'M not sure. 'S classified.” 

He looked up when she slammed her cup hard enough on the glass side table between their chairs to crack both. “What!” She yelled. “We've already been invaded?! Who attacked. How did you hold em off? Gimme a sitch- sis- sit-rep.”

“Nooooo.” He wagged a finger at her. “Crash landings. Chitauri wassa first invasion. Others more like-uh.” He blinked, retrieving a mental file slowly. “Illegal aliens.”

She let her head drop into the palms of her hand. “Please tell me there's not an alien concentration camp,” she begged, muffled.

Coulson now smirked the smirk of the self-satisfied at her. “Not 'nymore. We shut tha' shit down hard. So hard. I wassa ton of bricks that day. Wassa good day. Asshole guy, the one in charge.” He nodded when she looked up at him disbelievingly. “Had some crackpot theory that they'd gone and abducted his son in a UFO, or something. Aliens made 'is son gay.” He giggled into his glass. “Don't need aliens for that, yanno? Pretty boy will do.” He wagged his finger at her. “Or girl, fer you.”

She snorted. “You're one to accuse someone of bein' an asshole, Agent.”

Coulson focused hard to slowly lower his finger exactly ninety degrees, until it pointed at her. “Imma asshole that kicks names and takes butt. Not one that kicks gays and says names.” He frowned. “That came out wrong. Also, no torturin' civilians 'less world is ending. Again. 's very ineffective.” He frowned. “And “impo-impo... hmmm.”

“Impolite?” she asked, lying back in her chair to look up at the butter yellow of the gibbous moon.

“Im-po-li-tic,” he enunciated, lying back himself so he could tell the heavens, drawing out each syllable to make sure it came out right. When he'd uttered the word, he nodded with great satisfaction. “Big no-no, bad forra budget, medical bills and cover-ups an' such.”

“Ri-hight, cause thassa reason not to waterboard.” She shuddered, drunkenly steering her mind away from the darkness, back to the dark blue of the sky above. When it didn't help, she sat up to pour herself another big helping of whiskey. At least it would help her black out so she wouldn't dream. “Fine. _Invading_ aliens are new. Still need a defense.” She gestured at her squishy body, then at the planet. “Like Iron Man, but for a planet. Big.” She waved her arms at the night sky. “Armed satellites. An AI to guide them. No human error.” 

She threw her glass back before delivering what she believed to be the cinching argument. “Humans go stupid when they have big weapons. I'm not giving them anymore. So – AI like JARVIS,” because JARVIS was the best, “His little brother, well, planet-sized brother. Th'ultimate defense, yeah? Even thought of a cool name. Ultron. Pepper says names are important for P-PR.” She giggled. Pee-pee. 

She stared at Coulson, waiting for the accolades she believed the idea deserved. Coulson stared at her, eyes too sober for the amount of alcohol they'd consumed. “Stark... Stark. We just sank SHIELD into the river along with Project Insight. We're still dredging for the remains, both fig'ratively AND literally. We had bloody HYDRA trying to kill all th'enemies so they could make America fascist.”

Stark tried to put the unexpected reaction together with her fantastic idea. “So, no?”

“No. The secret spy whose job it is to spy on people says this is too much spying. Kay?”

“So. Bad idea?”

“BAD idea. Bad.” Coulson nodded and slumped back into his beach chair, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh as if she had broken the internet again.

“Oh. Okay.”

His eyes snapped open, face towards her. “Okay. Just like that?”

She turned her face back up to the night sky, so the breeze could cool hot cheeks and burning eyes. “I have lots of ideas, double-oh.” She tapped her temple. “Idea central. Some of them are bad. I just thought this was a real good one.” She still did, but she could think about what he'd said in the morning. “So, tell me about aliens.”

Coulson groaned. “'s  _secret spy stuff.”_

“So 's Iron Man. I can keep a secret.”

He groaned. “Aliens an' superheroes.”

“Only in New York.”

“Naw, New Mexico too.”

“What?!”


End file.
